I started this
by Mana Walker
Summary: Sam thinks he was the beginning of everything. He keeps telling himself he can't have comfort. Because he believes its what his brother deserves, an apple-pie life. But if he can't give that to him, he'll at least stay out of his way. Is there anyone that can take Sam off the edge? *Will be Sastiel, nothing explicit though, just cuteness*
1. Chapter 1

**I know why I'm alone. I know why I'm here. I know that I'm the reason why. And I know I haven't the right to anything. So I will wait. And I'll endure cause that's the only thing I can do.**

My brother isn't here anymore. Thats what I tell myself, I need to remember I'm the reason why. If I don't then I'll start laughing again. I'll start living again.

Cas used to pop inside my dreams. I didn't want him to worry. So I got an angel sidgel tattooed on my hand. I just cut and bleed and he vanishes. If he saw my dreams, he'd worry. He's nice like that. But the Devil's always here, and I don't want him to know. He might also tell Dean.

Bobby still calls. But I don't answer, I wait them out. I always listen to the voicemails though, he's worried. But I can't help that. I wish I could erase myself from his memories, then he wouldn't know about me. Sometimes I think about breaking my phone, but then I think about if someone called about Dean. If he's in trouble then I would need to save him. I would need to help him.

I don't sleep a lot anymore. I get about two hours through the night. I do this because if I were to sleep then Lucifer might be able to corrupt me. I can't have that happen. If that were to happen I would have given in. I would have failed. And I can't fail Dean anymore.

I've tried to die every way imaginable. I only have all the scars to prove it. Lucifer kept his promise, I can't die. But he wants to leave a mark to remind me. To remind me I can even fail at death.

I still help people. I need to fix what I started. I need to destroy some of the things that go with the apocalypse. I spend every waking moment doing just that. I need to. If I do anything else then I would just be a burden. Dean's still hunting. Still fighting. And he taught me never to back down.

I wish I was never born. If I had never existed then no one would've had to die. Dean would've had a childhood. My brother would've been normal with an apple-pie life like I know he wants.

None of the things I do end well. The only thing I'm good for is murder. Be it my family or the monsters. Destroying, I guess is my calling. I just wish it wasn't. For now I can be alone. Until I can find a way to destroy myself.

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Hey Everyone! How's it been?  
Thanks a lot for reading!  
This is gonna be a short fic, but they'll still be a couple more chapters.  
Its probably gonna be a Sassy fic, cause they're needs to be some more.  
Lots of Love, Mana Walker


	2. Chapter 2

**Deans POV:**

A noise of feathers echoed through the room and I didn't even need to look up to kno who it was. "Hey Cas, what's up?" When he didn't answer for a minute I looked up from my computer screen. "Cas?"

He looked scared. I've never really seen him even remotely terrified. But right now he looks like he's seen a ghost. Besides the fact we see ghosts every day. "Cas what's wrong?"

He looked up and spoke rathers slowly. "Its Sam."

Of course it was. At this moment I didn't want to discuss my brother, but the way Cas looked made me think the worst had happened. "He didn't!"

And now Cas's glare was not a funny sight. "No! He did not Dean!" He hissed out the words. Truly this was the most amount of emotion I had ever seen the monotone angel express. I opened my mouth to make a comeback about how he didn't know what I was going to say, but he interrupted me.

"Yes I do Dean. I can hear your thoughts." And again I wanted to make a snarky come-back about how creepy that was, but he interrupted me. "I need you to listen to me Dean."

I finally was able to get a word out. "Fine then, what has Sam done now?"

Cas flinched back. He flinched. This was actually making me scared, "What is it Cas!"

Cas's expression remained grave. "Sam is suffering."

Yeah? The Winchesters never stop suffering. "What's your point Cas?"

Thats the comment that put him on edge, "What's my point Dean? My point is that Sam is being haunted! Haunted by Lucifer! And the only person he trusts told him to leave! And so now he thinks that everyone should stay away from him! Probably because he also thinks that it would be the benefit of the world if he was dead! And I learned today that he can't! He can not die! My brother has made it very clear to him that he will be saved from death! And I mean he's tried! And the worst part is he's sorry about it! Sorry about not being able to die! He feels so bad about everything he tatooed an angel sigel on his hand so now I can't help him! And he's doing all of this for you! He always does everything for you! EVERYTHING!"

At this moment Cas appirated out of the musty hotel room, leaving a shocked and dazed Winchester in his midst.

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Hey Everyone! Hows it goin?  
Thanks a lot for reading, What did you think?  
I'm sorry if everyone seems a little OC in this fic, I just felt like some Angst.  
Cas's perspective is up next!  
Lots of Love, Mana Walker 3


	3. Chapter 3

**Cas's Pov:**

I left the elder Winchester behind me. I couldn't be there anymore, if I had stayed I would doubt that he would still be alive. I don't think I can hold back anymore, he is becoming so very self-righteous. More so then I can handle. Who gave him the right? The right to forsake his brother. The only one who is actually on his side. Sam shouldn't have to be like this. He doesn't deserve what he has gotten in his lifetime. Now his only peace is being taken away by the sanctuary. He thinks he's alone, and that's truly not good.

Sam is the only human soul with that much love. With that much forgivness, innocence. He thinks he's a monster, which breaks a part inside of me. It hurts so much and I just wish it could stop. I wish I could help him.

I was like Dean, once. Before I knew the real Sam. Before I learned how to have compassion. I learned all of my humanity from him. I learned passion, and hope from him. If he wasn't part of my life, I would still be an empty shell. I would still be alone and mislead. After I had learned to enjoy his presence, I was worried. I thought he wouldn't forgive me, and I was so shocked when he forgave me right away. And he laughed, his laugh. It made me feel alive. It made me feel Joy.

Sam needs company. He needs help. Not because he is weak, despite what the two brothers believe. He is the most strong and helpful person I have ever laid eyes on. He is so very strong. But he is happier with everyone. I have never seen him happy alone. I watched him once, at Stanford. He was surrounded by people and was the happiest I've ever seen him. And I wish I could have left him alone. I really do.

But the past has happened. And now he needs my help, he needs me. He needs his brother. But at this moment I'm not so sure if thats safe. But I know who is. Bobby.

"Bobby, I need your help."

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So you get to chapters for the price of one!  
Thanks for reading!  
I had a lot of fun writing Cas, he's so amazing. Anyway...  
The next chapter will be Bobby!  
Lots of Love, Mana Walker 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Bobbys POV:**

I was about to make myself a cup of my slop coffee when a flutter of wings interrupted my morning routine. Of course I wasn't shocked at that, more what came after words.

"Bobby, I need your help." Cas's voice echoed through my little kitchen.

I turned around quickly, to see the angel standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Always like that little idget.

"What do ya need boy?" Yeah, I know he's like thousands of years older than me, but that doesn't matter.

I saw him straighten his back more and thats when I saw how his usual dead expression was a bit morbid. "I need to help Sam, Bobby. Sam needs us."

If he didn't have my full attention before, he definitely had it now. "What's wrong with him? Is he alright?"

I saw him half-smile, I think it was at my reaction. "He is not alright. He is being haunted by my brother and he's torturing himself." The smile disappeared.

I wasn't happy either. "That idget, I knew he wasn't alright. He never called me back and I had no idea where he was."

Cas nodded his head, "I had the same problems. He is trying to push us away. And its not for his sake, he thinks its for ours."

My turn to agree. That boy has always sacrificed himself for others. Never once doing what he wanted to do. Its why I don't think the apocalypse was his fault. "Did you talk to Dean?"

I regretted saying that immediately,, because his scowl was fierce. "Yes, I talked to Dean. But I don't think it would be safe for him to go on this mission. If he did I doubt he would come out unscathed."

Wow, I don't even want to know what that boy said. "Okay then, are we gonna save the boy now?"

Cas gave me another half-smile. "Yes, let us go help Sam."

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Hello Everyone!  
Thanks a lot for reading!  
What did you think? Will Sam let them help him?  
Lots of Love, Mana Walker 3


	5. Chapter 5

**They were here in a flash. They apperated in Sam's motel room, a dingy, awful place that was worse than what he and Dean usually stayed in. A cobweb of pictures, maps and newspapers lined the middle of the room. All of it had to do with Lucifer. Like Sam was trying to piece together a way to get rid of everything. It was shocking to them, it was a bit terrifying really.**

Cas spoke first. "Sam? Are you here?" No answer.

Hearing the absence of a response Bobby spoke up, "Come on boy! Are ya here?"

Cas was getting concerned so he left his awkward stance of just standing in the middle of the room and walked over to the cobweb.

"Bobby?" His voice was very concerned. It actually scared Bobby a little bit.

"What son?" An intense waiting silence followed.

"I think Sam might have found something, and it doesn't look good for him." Cas's voice was very dim.

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Well what did Cas find?  
Thanks a bunch for reading!  
Even though This chapter was so small...The next will be bigger!  
Lots of Love, Mana Walker 3 


	6. Chapter 6

Bobby wasn't so sure he wanted to know what it is, but he asked anyway. "What did he find?"

Cas's gaze was scared. "A way to stop the Devil."

Bobby glared at the floor. "What?"

Cas let out a muffled sob. "He's gonna die Bobby."

"What!?"

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Sam walked at a fast speed. He needed to get to the warehouse. If he gets there on time, he'd win.

He had found the way to do it. To defeat Lucifer, He just needed to sacrifice himself. Thats it. I can "die" and everyone will be safe. Well from me anyway.

Sam brought his bag of knives and fuel with him, walking at his top speed to the Warehouse at the edge of town. A place far away from people, they won't be caught in the fire. I will carve the sidgels on myself and light it up. It will hurt, but it will be worth it.

I hope this works, I hope I won't die, then I'll have to do it over again. He thought as he reached the warehouse. My end is in here, finally.

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Thanks for reading!  
So will Cas save Sam?  
I'll update soon!  
Lots of Love, Mana Walker 3


	7. Chapter 7

Sam sat in the center of the warehouse. He set up the lambs blood circle and sat inside. After this the world will be safe. After this I'll be dead.

He began to read the chant. It echoed through the chamber like a song.

While he read, he picked up the holy oil. He began to pour it across his arms.

Decurro eva ared yen. Decurro, Decurro Frater.

A flutter interrupted his chant. Cas appeared with Bobby before him.

"Stop Sam!" Cas's voice echoed.

Sam tilted his head to his chest. A sob escaped his lips. "I have to do this Cas! I'll die and everything will be alright. Everything, Cas!"

Cas sobbed. "No! No Sam!"

Sam spoke the last few words in slurred latin getting ready to drop the match.

Cas flew over so fast Sam thought he had teleported. The backlash of wind blew the fire out and Sam was pulled into a hug.

"No! Let me go! I need to this!" Sam screeched. Tears falling down his face.

"Stop! Just stop Sam." Cas spoke quietly.

Sam just fell into Cas's arms. "I'm sorry." He sobbed, over and over again.

"Its okay. It'll all be okay Sam."

This is the last chapter! There may be a sequel...But I'm not sure yet.

Sorry this took so long! I was taking a break from my stories, but they'll all be updated more steadily now...

**Lots of Love, Mana Walker 3**


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